Finding Yourself; and what to do afterwards (also art)

Betsy Calabaza
5 min readSep 23, 2017

Existence Precedes Essence — Sartre (You exist and then you have awareness of what exists and you call that you)

So you develop from a seed planted on a nurturing environment.
You reading this is proof that the environment was nurturing. If it wasn’t nurturing, you wouldn’t be here.

When you were born, you bloomed out of your biological mother. Your body came out and there you were.

It’s like the kernel of a flower that is planted on the ground and then blooms.
The thing is that in nature, every physical thing is both a kernel and a bloom. It’s a kernel because it’s the source of other blooms and it’s a bloom because it’s the result of a kernel.

We only pay attention to the flower and your birth as blooms because we consider them noteworthy. They are part of the sublime; the pinnacle of sublimity.

Sublime meaning that in our awareness these things (a red rose, your kid being born) stand out as significant because they move us. They stir our appreciation for beauty. They are inspiring. And it seems that our appreciation for the sublime a lot of times and most of the time is our motivation for observation and action. What we find sublime differs between animals and especially among humans (as seen in our complex and various works of arts). But our appreciation for the sublime and our want is what pushes us to abuse drugs, take care of our family, go to work, listen to music, dedicate our lives to creating music or sculpturing. Some of these motivations are controlled by us and taken in small doses. Sometimes we submerge ourselves in the sublime.

In the creating art, you’re moved from within to guide the direction of the physical in time to what is pleasing to you. This differs from artless work in that artless work is moving the physical from a different motivation and goal other than your own pursuit of the sublime. In artless work, there is not that connection between your personal wants that bloom from the various kernels within you and the work you produce. You can change perspectives and redefine your relationship with the sublime, or mix the art and the artless like mixing lemongrass and green tea to create a fusion.

The scientist and the poet that submerge themselves in the sublimity of a rose may bloom different conclusion but they’re both pursuing the sublime. The poet with lyrics and the scientist with physical deductions. So the search for the sublime does not result in physically identical conclusions but the search is metaphysically connected to the sublime.

The result of the scientist and the poet then become kernels. These kernels then bloom.

So let’s say that both publish their blooms (or the work they produced) on paper. That paper then blooms intellectually by people that read the work, the blooms can also bloom computationally by people or computers that consume the work but don’t understand it, but the blooms can also be bloomed by a goat that eats the paper or time that deteriorates the paper. But in that instance, the bloom they both published became a kernel that bloomed in many different ways.

Kernels are black and white but the act of blooming creates shades of different results. Human intellect gives them color and depth. Humanity can bloom awareness of beauty.

When you create art, you’re blooming from various other kernels that bloomed before you. And you’re blooming an artwork or a scientific article that is a kernel (black and white). Only when another being or you yourself interpret the artwork or published article, are you giving life, color, depth to the kernel. You’re the environment where the kernel bloom; your awareness.
The rose and the birth are made up of kernels. And they serve the purpose of a kernel in you when they inspire a bloom inside you. Or they act as a bloom in whatever capacity as interpreted by others. The rose can act like a bloom as art, or as food, or as the base for a perfume, or compost.

You’re blooming constantly because you’re made up of kernels. Psychological, physical, metaphysical kernels. Mental perceptions, physical capacity, metaphysical ideals (such as morality or principles).

To find yourself, you place yourself in various environments. Nurturing, torturous, challenging, pleasing. And whatever you bloom, that’s you. That’s how you find yourself.

Travelling to different cities, experiencing outside cultures, trying new sports and activities demonstrate what you are made of because of how you bloom.
Independent of you kernels and blooms are black and white. A murder is just a murder. It’s just a person dying. But humans bloom colors. It’s not just a person dying. It’s a mother or father (blooms that have color; there are no mothers/fathers as understood by humans outside humanity). It’s an injustice (a bloom that has color). It’s a tragedy. It’s sad. It’s unfortunate. It’s against the law. It’s disorder. All these are blooms that humans give colors to.
Nonhuman animals also bloom but they work with a different palette of colors. Computers bloom but may lack self-awareness and color (as of today as far as I’m concerned about their capacity)

The nihilist is someone who says that our colors are objectively meaningless because kernels and blooms are black and white/cause and effect. And everything else is an illusion and meaningless. Even the colors we bloom are just black and white. I hate nihilists because they’re hypocrites.

The existentialist looks for beauty and purpose in the blooms and the kernels by virtue of their existence.

The absurdist looks for their own sublimity regardless of other blooms and kernels but while accepting the significance of blooms. The absurd being that they accept the meaningless of it all but still seek the sublime.

The religious person sees a metaphysical necessity for a metaphysical reason behind every kernel and bloom.

The philosopher looks for patterns and reason as to how kernels and blooms work.

The scientist deafens their subjectivity and the metaphysical to get closer to the objectivity of kernels and blooms.

The artist gathers kernels and try to make them bloom in their vision.

The metaphysician looks for what can’t be observed in the kernels and blooms; sometimes aware that their own awareness and self-awareness is a bloom and a kernel. Sometimes not aware.

The moralist pontificates and thinks about ways that kernels and blooms act and react and how they should act and react. For whatever purpose they seek (the good, peace, justice, etc)

The drug addicts just wants to reach the sublime.

The traveler just wants to experience the sublime by going to other cultures and societies. Sometimes learning and spreading awareness of how our differences are all connected in the sublime. Sometimes just for masturbatory reasons similar to the drug addict.

Et cetera

Kernels and blooms coalescing around the universe and inside you. You blooming equally like a flower or a rock; with different results. Blooming morality, self-pleasure, art, science, music, literature.

Your awareness is a bloom blooming from your body. It’s part of yourself. But you’re made up of many other kernels that make up yourself. And yourself is what blooms. What others cause to bloom. What your environment causes you to bloom. What your awareness allows you to bloom.

“You” is a thing made up stuff, kernel. You are what you bloom. It’s not who you are. It’s what you do. It’s not where you come from. It’s where you are.



Betsy Calabaza

blooms — crazy rants masked as abstract experimental philosophy. s/o CS Peirce